Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So much rum. So many feels.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
