ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
