Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
