when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
