I heard we made out
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
