now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
