fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
too bad you live with your parents still
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Actions speak louder than pants.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
