Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
