haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The chlamydia really affected his face.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
