You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
