girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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