after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Everything about him screamed your future.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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