You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
