If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
