Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
