Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
