I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
