I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
