Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
a search helicopter?!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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