Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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