I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
