So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
