yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
