A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
