Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
