He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
