the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
