What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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