No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
