Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
