I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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