he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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