last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
