Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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