i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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