Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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