I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
