he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
