What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
