Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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