I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
