I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
