YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
