She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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