I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
