pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
