OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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