My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
