Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
