Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
